Four classic stories about Durov and TON from Fitzgerald, Welsh, Salinger, and Dostoevsky
Aloha. A reminder for those who overslept. Last year, a private sale of Gram cryptocurrency attracted a record $ 1.75 billion. Neither before nor after the ICO have collected that much.
For a long time, there were no updates from its founder, Pavel Durov, and this fact has freaked all the cryptocats out. The launch of the TON Blockchain was highly awaited since last fall. And that irritating thought was on the back of the mind for all this time: is it really gonna be a scam again?
But not so fast, the other day we got the info that everything is on a roll. A working Mainnet will be launched in March. Cryptocats were delighted and trumpeted on every corner that they would happily buy some Gram for five bucks apiece.
We, too, were inspired by this news and decided to image the story of Durov and his TON in the plots of classical novels.
“The Great Durov”
Pavel was a poor kid who got bald early. But it didn’t embarrass his childhood girlfriend who valued other human qualities: loyalty, kindness, romance. Unfortunately, the girl’s parents were against their union. They wanted to find her a proper partner with the bag of cash. And that was the founder of Ethereum network, Vitaly Buterin. Long money spoiled Vitalik: he started to pay less attention to his wife, instead devoted a lot of his time to Blockchain conferences, and making out with mistresses.
Durov, in his turn, disappeared off radar, traveled around the world, and prepared his own lit startup. When the guy launched TON, he immediately bought a mansion on Long Island, put out the green light, and began to host parties. His childhood girlfriend has attended one of those parties and immediately fell in love with him again. At the same time, Ethereum was rapidly becoming cheaper, and Buterin was ready to break bad. A happy ending? Nah, Durov’s love of the life, after breaking up with Vitalik, was riding with Pavel in electric car, and accidentally hit to death her husband’s sidechick. Her widower, after consulting with Buterin, killed Pavel. Without its founder, TON lost positions, and Vitalik, the villain used the situation for profit.
Pavel Durov with his brother Nikolay, developer Igor, and designer Alexei living their idle IT life in Edinburgh. They don’t wanna sit at the office for 8 hours and then go to the bar after the shift to hook up with some chicks. Therefore, the guys hang around the apartments, some co-working spaces, and hackathons, sipping Red Bull and blowing speed, coming up with startups. This lifestyle can’t lead to something good. Durov and Igor were caught for stealing books about Satoshi Nakamoto. Igor was sentenced prison, and Pavel was sent to rehab. There, he quits drugs and code, and begins his new life.
However, before they leave, Durov and his friends decide to go to London and hustle some bread on Mainnet TON. Guys go wild on the way to London, writing code and racking their brains over UI/UX. When they arrive at the point of destination and get the money, they go to celebrate. Except for Pavel. He stays in the hotel room saying he’s not feeling good, takes all the cash and leaves for Saint Kitts and Nevis.
“The catcher in the crypto”
Pavel Durov is eliminated from the Pencey Prep for underachievement. He says goodbye to his beloved teacher and leaves for New York heavy-hearted. There, he puzzles a taxi driver with a question: where are Bitcoins stolen from the Mt Gox exchange, and invites his old friend, Preethi Kasireddy, to attend a Blockchain conference. After the conference, they go to the rink. Here, Pavel asks his friend to go with him in the middle of nowhere to create the TON platform, because all the other Blockchains around ain’t shit for sure. Preethi is offended, she leaves. Durov drinks four whiskeys, takes the courage and calls Amber Baldet with the same offer. But she doesn’t pick up the phone. Then the guy meets up with Roger Ver and complains about his life. He advises him to go to a shrink and run away to promote Bitcoin Cash.
So, Durov decides to visit his younger sister and confesses to her that his mission is to catch all cryptocats who get lost in the cryptocurrency field and are close to falling into the abyss of shitty Blockchains like Ethereum, and guide them to use TON. In the end, Pavel has a nervous breakdown and goes to an asylum.
Early morning. Pavel Durov wakes up with a bad feeling. He visits his favorite Shitcoinoffering and sees a fresh article on the coolest new Blockchain launched by Pavel Durov. But it’s not TON, but FbON! He doesn’t believe his eyes and decides to text the website’s editorial in Telegram. But can’t find it in his phone. The only social media are Facebook and Fb Messenger.
In a rage, Paul runs out of his cabin on a spaceship into the atrium and sees a crowd of people following his twin. The twin is talking about how he is going to overcome hunger, cover the whole world with free Internet connection and save the Blockchain’s reputation for good. Girls are crying with joy, guys are applauding. Durov screams at the top of his lungs: “Stop! This is not me, that’s my cheap fake — Mark Zuckerberg”. But no one is listening. Pavel sadly realizes that his and TON days are gone. He worked on a startup for too long, so his evil twin took advantage of it. The guy goes to Facebook and writes the shortest post in his life: “People don’t like to wait.” Curtain.
Write down in the comments, in what other novels and movies you can imagine Durov and his adventures with TON.
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Originally published at shitcoinoffering.com on January 29, 2019.
The catcher in the crypto was originally published in Data Driven Investor on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.